We're about 10 minutes from kickoff and I'm killing time before the start by doing an analysis in one of my fantasy football leagues about how many points each team has left on the bench each week. I bought myself a new Excel program for Christmas and could not wait to break it in. I'm a total stat geek and Excel only acts as an enabler. It's sad, really. I'm in the wrong field. Healthcare... pffffff. Anyone hiring in the field of "unnecessarily detailed shit?" Oh, that's why I have this blog.
It's a good night to have the 3-tv setup. I'm going with the Ducks/Beavers on the jumbotron HD. I'd love to have the Jets/Bills game on TV2, but that only gets basic cable and cannot get the NFL network. I may have to jump back and forth. Michigan State vs North Carolina in the Women's Big Ten-ACC Challenge gets TV2 rights now. And thank Jah for DVR, so I can watch my Thursday lineup at my leisure over the coming days.
7:53- Might have to crack a beer or 2 for this one. We've got many varieties still leftover from the group tailgate at the Northwestern/Wisconsin game a couple weeks ago, so I can mix and match Busch Light, some Polish beer, and some other crap. And don't worry, I still intend to fire off a post at some point about the chaos that day. No names will be revealed, though. I'm no turncoat. I realize people have jobs and careers that need protecting.
7:55- Yes, Jesse Palmer on color tonight. Gotta love a Canadian. Oh yeah, he's Canadian. You may not have known that. But now that you know that, every time he opens his mouth, you're going to hear that accent. Muahahaha.
7:59- Pee out of the way. Fat Tire is the beer to start it off.
8:00- I've got a 3-way parlay down tonight. Oregon State +9.5, Over 62.5, and Arkansas State -6 @ Western Kentucky. Yes, I put money on Arkansas State vs Western Kentucky. Say what you like, I can take it. But I'll be rolling in the money afterwards and you won't. Not everyone has the balls to put down $2 on that game.
8:01- Official prediction is Oregon State taking it 41-37. Go Beavers!
8:01- Mike Reilly is one of the nicest coaches in the world. What a polite man .... also, Arkansas State is down 17-3 to winless Western Kentucky. Well played, Hoigaard.
8:02- Short kick for the Beavs to start, crappy Ducks return + some yards for a late hit by a Duck. Can't do that, son. Well, you can, but ask Legarette Blount how that works out.
8:03- "You can't quit on LaMichael James" ~Chris Fowler.... you can when he only gains 1 yard.
8:04- INTERCEPTION!!! Ideal start for the Beavs. Great field position. Palmer compares Masoli to a young Brett Favre. Good luck with that tonight, Oregon. Brett Favre + Big game = multiple INTs.
8:05- Shot of Masoli wearing eye black that would make the WWF Road Warriors jealous. Call me crazy, but I'm not a fan of QBs rocking too much eye black. That's reserved for linebackers. Know your role, kid.
8:06- Mark Mangino won't be back next season apparently. Sadly, the person most impacted by this is:
(Baby Mangino, you will always be in our hearts)
8:08- Third and goal for the Beavers. Great sign in the crowd "Wait til you see my O." Gotta give the Ducks fan props for that..... Pass is just short of the goal line and we're 4th and goal from the nano-inch line.
8:09- Going for it......Quizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz TD. Go Beavers. And their 10-person band plays their school song that I recognize 0% of.
8:10- If my dog decides that she has to go outside during any point for the first or second half, she will be taken to a shelter tomorrow and given up for adoption. You will go outside during halftime and LIKE IT!... unless these farts continue. I can't take that kind of torture.
8:11- I'm over the 2 guys tailgating commercials for Allstate Insurance. Drew needs to go back to showing the ladies his O-face.
8:13- Ducks with the ball back, nice fake pass and run by Masoli that probably breaks for 30 yards 9 out of 10 times. Nice shoestring tackle brings him down.
8:14- Big gain on an end around. Loving the Over bet right now. Free money..... Not free money? Arkansas State -6 @ Western Kentucky. That'll teach me to bet on shitty football.
8:15- And after 4 plays the Ducks are knocking on the door. Seems reasonable...... Another big gain on a pass over the middle to Jeff Maehl who was covered by the Beavs as if he was a creepy old guy (nobody wanted to go within 15 miles of him).
8:16- Nothing against the guy, but I don't think I've ever watched a Craig James-announced game and thought to myself after he said something "Hmmm, good point."
8:17- Third and goal, TD for LaMichael James. Making big bro LeBron proud. (*Note, not actually true).... extra point is good and we are all tied up. Very exciting.
8:19- Howie Long can make all the commercials he wants, but nothing will top this one with the girl pointing at his special spot saying "That's a big girl car." Awk-waaaaard.
8:21- Sean Canfield, you throw like Matt Leinart, but I like you.
8:22- Love me some Jesse Palmer Canadian accent. You hear it, don't you?..... Canfield continues to rock rough and tough with his afro puffs.
8:23- Not sure how I like Fowler referring to Quizz as Quizz. I mean, it's legit, but Fowler is... very white.
8:25- Beavers get stopped short (That's what she said) and attempt a 40 yd FG, and it's good. State up 10-7, still early.
8:26- I wish Chevy had informed me that Howie Long would be taking over every commercial break. I would have kept count for fun.
8:27- Anyone else kinda wish they were the actor in the insurance commercial where the guy tricks kids into thinking they are getting something cool (bike, pony, etc), and then not letting them use it?
8:28- Erin Andrews actually giving a salient point. Chip Kelly wants Oregon to move faster on the offense. Coming off an 80-yard, 3-minute drive?.... Seems reasonable.
8:29- Third and long for the Ducks. Big play coming up..... woooooooo boy. Long TD on a CB getting embarassed. And the Ducks jump back out ahead on a 73-yard TD. Holy balls. This game is everything I've been anxious for. Seriously, holy balls. What a game.
8:32- Cincinnati does not interest me. I do not want to see them in the title game. Enough said.
8:33- Arkansas State down 20-10 with 9 minutes to go. I really know how to pick 'em. New rule: Don't bet on a team where you couldn't name the team nicknames without looking it up. Arkansas State... Red something? Wait, Red Wolves. Duh. OK, I was within my rights to pick them.
8:35- Least suprising news in the world: UW-Whitewater and Mount Union are both in the D3 Quarterfinals .... for what seems like the 19th straight year.
8:36- We have a double-jump catch!!!! It doesn't just happen in Tecmo Super Bowl!
8:37- Johnny Hekker, the Beaver punter, is the scariest looking human being in the stadium. Children of the Corn crossed with Problem Child. His headshot staring straight into the camera can make you go blind.
8:38- Nice punt, kid. You had 2 chances to get it right and could still only max out at 15 yards. 15??? It kills me when punters have kicks go off the side of their feet. How hard is punting? Really. How hard?
8:39- Craig James, don't say "jitterbug." That's reserved for George Michael.
8:40- The reason this is such a good game isn't just the great scoring. We're seemingly going from great defensive plays and tackles to huge offensive gains every other play for both teams. That's what makes a great game. When, despite the score, both units are making plays. My excitement for this game is completely legitimized now.
8:41- Read an article this week that some kid in Taiwan actually "beat" World of Warcraft.... There's a less than 1% chance his penis has ever been touched. Including on his own.
8:43- It's also games like this that make me furious that the Big Ten ends their season so early. Late-season football is great and the tension is so high. Why would you want to end that early? Foolish..... (*Note- the opinions and statements made by me do not necessarily reflect those of my family)
8:45- Early favorite for Mangino's next job? A talk show with Rick Majerus.
8:46- The headsets on the ref bugs me. He looks like he should be taking customer service phone calls for Dell computers.
8:47- Game has slowed down a tad. Do the teams have each other figured out? Of course, with each of these teams, their next score is only 8 seconds away.
8:48- Arkansas State within 3 now, with 5 minutes left. Giddyup..... Also, Erin Andrews cannot pronounce "Decibel." Is she still necessary? Are any of them? Injury updates and sideline notes are fine, but I don't need mini-feature stories/reports during the game. Save those for the Olympics when the moms watch and become sports fans for 2 weeks.
8:49- Westwood College: The Diploma Mill For Those Who Have Zero Goals.
8:51- Oregon gained 697 yards last year? Seriously, half that is respectable in any given game. 697? That puts video games to shame.
8:52- Great 3 and out for the Beavs. Best stand of the game. Really got to put some yards together on this next drive, though. They've been shut down their last few possessions. Even if they don't get points, they've got to flip the field position game over.
8:53- Luke Wilson obviously gaining weight for his next role....
8:54- Michigan State women are in control over #4 North Carolina. That's huge. Almost as huge as their star Alyssa DeHaan:
8:09- Going for it......Quizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz TD. Go Beavers. And their 10-person band plays their school song that I recognize 0% of.
8:10- If my dog decides that she has to go outside during any point for the first or second half, she will be taken to a shelter tomorrow and given up for adoption. You will go outside during halftime and LIKE IT!... unless these farts continue. I can't take that kind of torture.
8:11- I'm over the 2 guys tailgating commercials for Allstate Insurance. Drew needs to go back to showing the ladies his O-face.
8:13- Ducks with the ball back, nice fake pass and run by Masoli that probably breaks for 30 yards 9 out of 10 times. Nice shoestring tackle brings him down.
8:14- Big gain on an end around. Loving the Over bet right now. Free money..... Not free money? Arkansas State -6 @ Western Kentucky. That'll teach me to bet on shitty football.
8:15- And after 4 plays the Ducks are knocking on the door. Seems reasonable...... Another big gain on a pass over the middle to Jeff Maehl who was covered by the Beavs as if he was a creepy old guy (nobody wanted to go within 15 miles of him).
8:16- Nothing against the guy, but I don't think I've ever watched a Craig James-announced game and thought to myself after he said something "Hmmm, good point."
8:17- Third and goal, TD for LaMichael James. Making big bro LeBron proud. (*Note, not actually true).... extra point is good and we are all tied up. Very exciting.
8:19- Howie Long can make all the commercials he wants, but nothing will top this one with the girl pointing at his special spot saying "That's a big girl car." Awk-waaaaard.
8:21- Sean Canfield, you throw like Matt Leinart, but I like you.
8:22- Love me some Jesse Palmer Canadian accent. You hear it, don't you?..... Canfield continues to rock rough and tough with his afro puffs.
8:23- Not sure how I like Fowler referring to Quizz as Quizz. I mean, it's legit, but Fowler is... very white.
8:25- Beavers get stopped short (That's what she said) and attempt a 40 yd FG, and it's good. State up 10-7, still early.
8:26- I wish Chevy had informed me that Howie Long would be taking over every commercial break. I would have kept count for fun.
8:27- Anyone else kinda wish they were the actor in the insurance commercial where the guy tricks kids into thinking they are getting something cool (bike, pony, etc), and then not letting them use it?
8:28- Erin Andrews actually giving a salient point. Chip Kelly wants Oregon to move faster on the offense. Coming off an 80-yard, 3-minute drive?.... Seems reasonable.
8:29- Third and long for the Ducks. Big play coming up..... woooooooo boy. Long TD on a CB getting embarassed. And the Ducks jump back out ahead on a 73-yard TD. Holy balls. This game is everything I've been anxious for. Seriously, holy balls. What a game.
8:32- Cincinnati does not interest me. I do not want to see them in the title game. Enough said.
8:33- Arkansas State down 20-10 with 9 minutes to go. I really know how to pick 'em. New rule: Don't bet on a team where you couldn't name the team nicknames without looking it up. Arkansas State... Red something? Wait, Red Wolves. Duh. OK, I was within my rights to pick them.
8:35- Least suprising news in the world: UW-Whitewater and Mount Union are both in the D3 Quarterfinals .... for what seems like the 19th straight year.
8:36- We have a double-jump catch!!!! It doesn't just happen in Tecmo Super Bowl!
8:37- Johnny Hekker, the Beaver punter, is the scariest looking human being in the stadium. Children of the Corn crossed with Problem Child. His headshot staring straight into the camera can make you go blind.
8:38- Nice punt, kid. You had 2 chances to get it right and could still only max out at 15 yards. 15??? It kills me when punters have kicks go off the side of their feet. How hard is punting? Really. How hard?
8:39- Craig James, don't say "jitterbug." That's reserved for George Michael.
8:40- The reason this is such a good game isn't just the great scoring. We're seemingly going from great defensive plays and tackles to huge offensive gains every other play for both teams. That's what makes a great game. When, despite the score, both units are making plays. My excitement for this game is completely legitimized now.
8:41- Read an article this week that some kid in Taiwan actually "beat" World of Warcraft.... There's a less than 1% chance his penis has ever been touched. Including on his own.
8:43- It's also games like this that make me furious that the Big Ten ends their season so early. Late-season football is great and the tension is so high. Why would you want to end that early? Foolish..... (*Note- the opinions and statements made by me do not necessarily reflect those of my family)
8:45- Early favorite for Mangino's next job? A talk show with Rick Majerus.
8:46- The headsets on the ref bugs me. He looks like he should be taking customer service phone calls for Dell computers.
8:47- Game has slowed down a tad. Do the teams have each other figured out? Of course, with each of these teams, their next score is only 8 seconds away.
8:48- Arkansas State within 3 now, with 5 minutes left. Giddyup..... Also, Erin Andrews cannot pronounce "Decibel." Is she still necessary? Are any of them? Injury updates and sideline notes are fine, but I don't need mini-feature stories/reports during the game. Save those for the Olympics when the moms watch and become sports fans for 2 weeks.
8:49- Westwood College: The Diploma Mill For Those Who Have Zero Goals.
8:51- Oregon gained 697 yards last year? Seriously, half that is respectable in any given game. 697? That puts video games to shame.
8:52- Great 3 and out for the Beavs. Best stand of the game. Really got to put some yards together on this next drive, though. They've been shut down their last few possessions. Even if they don't get points, they've got to flip the field position game over.
8:53- Luke Wilson obviously gaining weight for his next role....
8:54- Michigan State women are in control over #4 North Carolina. That's huge. Almost as huge as their star Alyssa DeHaan:
(She's awesome)
8:56- Ok, the officiating is starting to sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiightly favor Oregon. Slightly. It's early, so I'm not saying anything big yet, but.... I'm getting nervous.
8:57- 2nd and 25 after the big penalty ..... Monster shake and bake run by Quizz.... why not???? And a flag at the end for good measure. This one coming back, zebras?
8:58- Apparently ESPN mistook a Duck helmet for a flag. It happens, I guess..... But then they get antsy in their pantsy and call a false start on the Beavs anyways. Can't come easy for State. At least they're in striking distance. First and 15 from the 20. Gotta get points here.
8:59- Canfield completes it to a white receiver. That's all I got.
9:00- 3rd and 6 ... incomplete. FG attempt here. Gotta get points.
9:01- Kahut from 28... got it. Pulls the Beavers closer (that's what she said).
9:03- Holy balls, Arkansas State has a 4 pt lead with 2:30 to go, and they have the ball! Could those Red Sacks (Wolves) actually pull off the 6pt cover???? (If not, all they need to do is win. I hedged the bet with a teaser. It's what I do. That's why I'm so good at gambling. I should be banned due to breaking Bodog with my plethora of $2-$5 bets.
9:04- The scoring continues as the Ducks take the kickoff 95 yards to the house........ which will not count. Penalty(ies) on the Ducks. Poor fellas. Can't hold, boys. Especially twice.
9:05- "It's a full moon tonight, so anything can happen on plays." ~Craig James .... Just shut the hell up. You're adding nothing.
9:06- Fumble.... Beavers fall on it deeeeeeeep in Ducks territory. Nice swat by 54 to force the fumble. Very impressive.
9:07- And Arkansas State wins 24-20. No cover, but I'll take the win. Teasers are so easy.
9:08- Oregon State's best defensive player is a mix between Andrew WK and former Illinois linebacker J Leman. Look 'em up. It's true. Science.
9:09- Quizz gets stuffed for nothing and forces a 4th down. Another field goal by the Beavers puts them up 16-14 with still 4+ minutes left in the first half. Very exciting.
9:10- I'm not heartless (debatable), but the State Farm insurance commercial showing people with cancer and soldiers hurt and everything with the kid singing "I'll Be There" in the background... the kid sings the wrong lyrics, right? I'm not crazy am I? It's "You and I must make a pact." He sings "You and I must make a pack." It's quite obvious too. Have I had the lyrics wrong all these years? I mean, I'm not an idiot (again, debatable).
9:12- Masoli with a nice designed run for 15 yards. Fun game.
9:13- Masoli with another run for 3ish. It's a good thing he can run, because relying a 5'10" qb to throw all the time is asking quite a bit. Unless you're in the Big 12. Then you can get away with it with ease (Chase Daniels, Todd Reesing, others).
9:14- Masoli with a completion and just like that the Ducks are back in striking distance. Again, fun game.
9:15- Fowler shows off his announcing skills by covering his own mistake on who kept a tailback option. That's how you make your money, folks.
9:16- I had no idea these 2 teams were the top 2 teams for scoring in the Redzone. Good tidbit, ESPN. Occasionally you give us things worthwhile.
9:18- Just under a minute and a half to go, Ducks on 2nd and goal and LeBron's brother scores again. Ducks jump back on top 21-16. Can Oregon State come down the field with a minute and change? I hope so. I actually think we're going to see another score this half. If it's not State, I can see Oregon getting it back and throwing up a late score. Again, to the point of a cliche, fun game.
9:21- And on first down, Canfield goes Waaaaaaay deep to James Rodgers and draws the pass interference.
9:23- Leafs throw up 6 goals on the road @ Columbus. Wow. Thanks for doing that in Chicago a few weeks ago.... hosers.
9:24- Quizz gets out of bounds to make it 3rd and 5 with :51 left.... come on Beavers (that's what she said)
9:24- Canfield to Quizz's brother James for the first down .... Another completed pass to the tight end with 29 seconds left and finally call their first timeout. Great drive. They should get some points out of this to pad both the cover and the Over. Oh, and keep them within striking range of actually winning this game and going to the Rose Bowl.... like I predicted.... in August. Bitches.
9:25- If the Beavers get another false start call I'm going to scream. That's 3 this half. Jesus guys. I know it's loud, but at this stage of the game, just make sure you get the play off.
9:26- Turns out if was a frosh, all is forgiven.... Canfield escapes a sack, completes a wobbly pass to Brady Camp and he turns it into a decent 10 yard gain and gets out of bounds. Nice little scenario.
9:27- James Rodgers on the catch across the middle for a HUGE TD. Great grab and pulled it in over the DB and trotted in the final 5 yards. Awesome game. Awesome. 23-21. Awesome. Very exciting.
9:29- Ducks FUMBLE the kick return, but recover. Holy codpiece, that would have been monstrous if the Beavs recovered that one. Ducks better sit on this one to end the half... And they won't. HB shotgun trap to the right, out of bounds..... Same play on the next play and Lebron's brother nearly breaks it... wow.
9:31- We are at the half. 23-21, Beavers. And it's time to pee.
9:34- Here's your halftime show.
9:41- More halftime entertainment.
9:43- Ok, last bit of halftime entertainment. One of my all-time favorites. These quotes still come out at least once a night when I'm drunk.
9:45- "Can the Florida defense slow down Alabama wide receiver Julio Jones?".......... Yes.
9:45- Taylor Lautner asked Dr. Lou a question about Rich Rodriguez... Please. ESPN.... stop this. No New Moon fans are watching this game, let alone this halftime show. There is no reason to pander to that fanbase. Just, stop the cross-promotion. I realize I'm beating a dead horse here and I'm like the last blog in the world to complain about this, but come on. Lou Holtz, Taylor Lautner, and Magic Johnson... sounds like the lead-off to a joke.
9:47- I will admit, though, I have a soft spot for Lou Holtz. Guy cracks my shit up.
9:48- Longest........... halftime............ ever.
9:51- We're at 20 minutes......
9:52- Since we've got time to kill, here's my favorite college football-related photo ever:
8:57- 2nd and 25 after the big penalty ..... Monster shake and bake run by Quizz.... why not???? And a flag at the end for good measure. This one coming back, zebras?
8:58- Apparently ESPN mistook a Duck helmet for a flag. It happens, I guess..... But then they get antsy in their pantsy and call a false start on the Beavs anyways. Can't come easy for State. At least they're in striking distance. First and 15 from the 20. Gotta get points here.
8:59- Canfield completes it to a white receiver. That's all I got.
9:00- 3rd and 6 ... incomplete. FG attempt here. Gotta get points.
9:01- Kahut from 28... got it. Pulls the Beavers closer (that's what she said).
9:03- Holy balls, Arkansas State has a 4 pt lead with 2:30 to go, and they have the ball! Could those Red Sacks (Wolves) actually pull off the 6pt cover???? (If not, all they need to do is win. I hedged the bet with a teaser. It's what I do. That's why I'm so good at gambling. I should be banned due to breaking Bodog with my plethora of $2-$5 bets.
9:04- The scoring continues as the Ducks take the kickoff 95 yards to the house........ which will not count. Penalty(ies) on the Ducks. Poor fellas. Can't hold, boys. Especially twice.
9:05- "It's a full moon tonight, so anything can happen on plays." ~Craig James .... Just shut the hell up. You're adding nothing.
9:06- Fumble.... Beavers fall on it deeeeeeeep in Ducks territory. Nice swat by 54 to force the fumble. Very impressive.
9:07- And Arkansas State wins 24-20. No cover, but I'll take the win. Teasers are so easy.
9:08- Oregon State's best defensive player is a mix between Andrew WK and former Illinois linebacker J Leman. Look 'em up. It's true. Science.
9:09- Quizz gets stuffed for nothing and forces a 4th down. Another field goal by the Beavers puts them up 16-14 with still 4+ minutes left in the first half. Very exciting.
9:10- I'm not heartless (debatable), but the State Farm insurance commercial showing people with cancer and soldiers hurt and everything with the kid singing "I'll Be There" in the background... the kid sings the wrong lyrics, right? I'm not crazy am I? It's "You and I must make a pact." He sings "You and I must make a pack." It's quite obvious too. Have I had the lyrics wrong all these years? I mean, I'm not an idiot (again, debatable).
9:12- Masoli with a nice designed run for 15 yards. Fun game.
9:13- Masoli with another run for 3ish. It's a good thing he can run, because relying a 5'10" qb to throw all the time is asking quite a bit. Unless you're in the Big 12. Then you can get away with it with ease (Chase Daniels, Todd Reesing, others).
9:14- Masoli with a completion and just like that the Ducks are back in striking distance. Again, fun game.
9:15- Fowler shows off his announcing skills by covering his own mistake on who kept a tailback option. That's how you make your money, folks.
9:16- I had no idea these 2 teams were the top 2 teams for scoring in the Redzone. Good tidbit, ESPN. Occasionally you give us things worthwhile.
9:18- Just under a minute and a half to go, Ducks on 2nd and goal and LeBron's brother scores again. Ducks jump back on top 21-16. Can Oregon State come down the field with a minute and change? I hope so. I actually think we're going to see another score this half. If it's not State, I can see Oregon getting it back and throwing up a late score. Again, to the point of a cliche, fun game.
9:21- And on first down, Canfield goes Waaaaaaay deep to James Rodgers and draws the pass interference.
9:23- Leafs throw up 6 goals on the road @ Columbus. Wow. Thanks for doing that in Chicago a few weeks ago.... hosers.
9:24- Quizz gets out of bounds to make it 3rd and 5 with :51 left.... come on Beavers (that's what she said)
9:24- Canfield to Quizz's brother James for the first down .... Another completed pass to the tight end with 29 seconds left and finally call their first timeout. Great drive. They should get some points out of this to pad both the cover and the Over. Oh, and keep them within striking range of actually winning this game and going to the Rose Bowl.... like I predicted.... in August. Bitches.
9:25- If the Beavers get another false start call I'm going to scream. That's 3 this half. Jesus guys. I know it's loud, but at this stage of the game, just make sure you get the play off.
9:26- Turns out if was a frosh, all is forgiven.... Canfield escapes a sack, completes a wobbly pass to Brady Camp and he turns it into a decent 10 yard gain and gets out of bounds. Nice little scenario.
9:27- James Rodgers on the catch across the middle for a HUGE TD. Great grab and pulled it in over the DB and trotted in the final 5 yards. Awesome game. Awesome. 23-21. Awesome. Very exciting.
9:29- Ducks FUMBLE the kick return, but recover. Holy codpiece, that would have been monstrous if the Beavs recovered that one. Ducks better sit on this one to end the half... And they won't. HB shotgun trap to the right, out of bounds..... Same play on the next play and Lebron's brother nearly breaks it... wow.
9:31- We are at the half. 23-21, Beavers. And it's time to pee.
9:34- Here's your halftime show.
9:41- More halftime entertainment.
9:43- Ok, last bit of halftime entertainment. One of my all-time favorites. These quotes still come out at least once a night when I'm drunk.
9:45- "Can the Florida defense slow down Alabama wide receiver Julio Jones?".......... Yes.
9:45- Taylor Lautner asked Dr. Lou a question about Rich Rodriguez... Please. ESPN.... stop this. No New Moon fans are watching this game, let alone this halftime show. There is no reason to pander to that fanbase. Just, stop the cross-promotion. I realize I'm beating a dead horse here and I'm like the last blog in the world to complain about this, but come on. Lou Holtz, Taylor Lautner, and Magic Johnson... sounds like the lead-off to a joke.
9:47- I will admit, though, I have a soft spot for Lou Holtz. Guy cracks my shit up.
9:48- Longest........... halftime............ ever.
9:51- We're at 20 minutes......
9:52- Since we've got time to kill, here's my favorite college football-related photo ever:
(Badass)
9:53- And we're underway in half #2
9:53- Canfield starts where he left off: 10 yard completion to James Rodgers.
9:54- Another flag... false... fucking.... start. This is getting funny.
9:55- Michigan State women take the game over #4 North Carolina. Congrats Spartans. Big win. ACC takes the challenge 7-4, though. Get'em next year.
9:56- Sexy throw and catch on 3rd and long for the first down. The Beaver WRs are just beating the Ducks db's to every single ball and fighting all tie-ups away. I'm not a big believer in "this team wants it more," but, right now, this team wants it more. And they should. First Rose Bowl berth since 1964 on the line here.
9:58- Canfield throws it right at a Duck lineman, who drops it. Then the Beavs are rewarded with a late hit on the QB to get them down to the 27 yard line. A TD on this drive would be massive.
9:59- Quizz absolutely cannot get tackled. Remind me of myself, circa 8th grade. I've videos if anyone needs proof. Seriously, they're like 3 feet away from me. I keep them near me at all times incase anyone ever wants to watch them. Just ask.
10:00- The stroke of 10pm central. From here on out, we are officially past my bedtime.
10:01- Canfield passes over the middle to a guy who catches his first TD of the season. Big Beaver score (that's what she said)!!!! We are now at 30-21, State. Cover is looking like a lock and the over is in remarkable shape. I love college football.
10:02- Eat my ass, Chris Berman. You add nothing to nothing.
10:05- Monster tackle to take down the Ducks on their first play of the half. Second play goes for a first down. Gonna be more of the same in the 2nd half, I see. Fine by me. This is very exciting.
10:07- Lebron's brother puts together a couple of solid runs to get the Ducks down into Beaver territory. Beaver defensive back Tim Clark of Compton, CA gets injured on the play ... hey kid, you're from Compton. A torn ACL is a blessing compared to what fate you could have seen growing up.
10:09- To keep you occupied during this injury timeout..... go Badgers.
10:11- Ok, that's a gruesome injury. Almost on the level of this.
10:12- Hey Legarrette, welcome back.... carries for 3 yds. Crowd takes 10 seconds to realize it's his first carry since the fight. Hippies. Too high to understand what's going on.
10:13- On one play the Beavers may have gotten away with both a late hit on the QB and a ticky-tack pass interference. Both would have been questionable, but both could have been called.
10:14- Jeff Maehl with a remarkable catch while getting pummeled for a catch and a first down on a gutsy 4th down call. Big play.
10:15- "How do you cramp up in 30 degrees?" ~Craig James .... Very easily, Craig. Ever stood outdoors during a cold game for 3 hours? Lots of cramping. Imagine straining your muscles while playing it. Jagoff.
10:16- Blount bowls over a defender like a pot of weeds. (think about it)
10:17- Jesse Palmer refers to James/Blount as the "1-2 punch." Not the best choice of words, ya hoser.
10:18- Blount goes in on a sweep for a touchdown. Nice turnaround for Blount. Tip of the cap. 30-28 State.
10:19- I see the Jets beat the Bills 19-13.... so sad I missed that one. But thanks to the Bills organization for making the RB situation as clear as the 1999-2008 Broncos. Basic crapshoot on who's getting the points there from week to week. And yes, I'm bitter because I have both on one of my fantasy teams and have not started the correct one more than 50% of the time this season.
10:21- James Rodgers returns the kick all the way out to the 40 yard line. Bigger return than the announcers are showing since the Beavs only have about 30 yards to go to be in FG range again.
10:22- James Rodgers catch on first down for 9 yards. This offense is clicking..... Erin Andrews telling the story of a kids book Chip Kelly read to the team after the first loss. He would have read them The Count of Monte Cristo, but none of them could have paid attention. The 12-pager was more the college athlete's style.
10:23- James Rodgers was wide open and streaking down the field and Canfield juuuuuuuuuuuust missed him.
10:24- Offensive linemen holding hands weirds me out. Not in a homophobic way, but in a "Um, really, why?" way.... if such a way exists.
10:25- Quizz with a nice catch and run on 3rd down to gain the first. Canfield is such a stud right now. Doesn't throw that ball until it's absolutely necessary. Balls of steel right now. He has marbles. (would link to a clip from Major League 2's reference to "marbles" but cannot find one.... gotta move quick here)
10:26- And Canfield finally gets hit while throwing for seemingly the first time in the game.
10:27- Another 3rd down.... And another holy-mother-in-heaven-humping-a-lamb false start. This is ridiculous.
10:28- State finally misses on a 3rd down to bring on the field goal unit.
10:29- Kahut attempting to go 4-4, this would be his longest (45 yards).... monster kick. Well done, son. 33-28 Beavers.
10:30- "What a good football game." ~Craig James (said in a manner which he believes he is the first person to realize this)..... Thanks for that, Craig.
10:31- "Sub him out, give him a blow." ~Craig James.... hehehehehehehehehehehehhe
10:32- I love the QB sweep/WR option. Fun play.
10:33- Lebron's brother is having a game. Takes a sweep around the left and gets past the first wall at the line of scrimmage to find ... nobody else. And he's gone for 52 yards and his third TD.
10:34- Ducks go for 2 and fail on an option. Good open-field tackle by the Beavs. 1 minute and change left in the third and we're at 34-33, Ducks. And we've hit the OVER!!!! Free money, Vegas. You can't just hand us free money like that.
10:35- Beavers get the ball back and are sacked on first down. Ducks have gotten to Canfield on the last few plays. Gotta make some adjustments, Coach Reilly.
10:36- Third and 18 ... nothing going and Canfield runs for a couple yards before folding into the fetal position. At the end of the third we're sitting at 34-33, Ducks, and they'll be getting the ball to start the 4th.
10:39- Am I missing anything by never having seen either of the "Night At the Museum" movies? I lean towards no.
10:40- Don't fuck this up Ginger kid..... short kick. Go back to the cornfields, Hekker.
10:41- Gonna predict a field goal on this drive. 'Bron's Bro runs for 5 on a play that had no room from the start.
10:42- The Ducks are up to nearly 140 yards rushing this half. Well, that happened fast.... also happening fast, the Ducks getting into Beaver territory. Beavers give up an enormous hole (that's what she said... courtesy of the wife) for the Ducks to run through and gain big.
10:43- Jeff Maehl with a catch and move and run. Nice work. Tip of the cap. First and 10 now on the 11.
10:44- Masoli goes nowhere on first down.... Blount gets the carry on 2nd down and takes it down to the 7, bringing up 3rd down. My field goal call is looking good.
10:45- Masoli dodges about 50 guys and loses 4 yards. 4th down and we're looking at a field goal. I am so in tune with this game right now. A complete 6th sense.
10:46- 29 yard field goal gets stopped just as the ball is snapped due to a delay of game and he'll now be forced to nail it from 34 yards... daunting.
10:47- Just ekes through the left upright and Oregon pads the lead to 37-33.
10:48- Might as well pee again.
10:49- I washed my hands, don't worry. Wouldn't want to give myself SARS... er, wait. What's the in vogue illness right now? Oh, swine flu. Yeah, I'm fine.
10:50- Oregon's scored on all 3 drives in the 2nd half. That's got to stop if the Beavs are gonna pull this one off (that's what she said). Quizz takes the carry on first down and basically crawls for 15 yards. Great run.
10:51- 9 to play..... very exciting.
10:52- You can see the breath of the players. Kinda weird to see that during a Pac 10 game.
10:53- James Rodgers makes a GREAT diving catch and gets interfered with in the process for a mammoth gain. Wow. That's a huge play to put the Beavs down to the 22 yard line of Oregon.
10:54- State calls a too-conservative-for-my-tastes play on 2nd down. Simple screen to Quizz where he had 2 guys on him immediately.
10:55- And that's why I didn't like the last playcall... Sacked on 3rd and 8. And State's forced to go for it on 4th and 15.
10:56- Seriously Berman, go away. Die even. Keep eating at Applebees and you just might.
10:56- And this goes without saying, but still, this is a very large 4th down. The way the Ducks are moving this half, you have to assume at least a field goal out of them on their next drive, especially if they're getting the ball near their own 40. What to call here on 4th and 15?... Maybe some sort of pick play for James Rodgers? Although, he's made his money be streaking down the field tonight. I just don't know. But hopefully Reilly does.
10:57- Incomplete pass towards the sideline and Rodgers. Just out of his reach. And the Ducks get the ball back.
10:58- Palmer and Craig are arguing. This is fun.
10:59- Run straight into the line on first down for the Ducks.... Are they trying to just kill the clock here? Why slow down? Keep doing what's working? Chip Kelly is a gambler, I expect something big coming here still..... And Blount takes a carry up the gut for big, big yards. All the way into the Beavers' territory on a 30-yard gain.
11:00- Shot of Tim Clark on the sideline in a wheelchair.... Yeah, gruesome injury.
11:01- The snap nearly went about 30 yards into the backfield, followed by Masoli forcing a throw and almost throwing a pick. 2 major bullets dodged there.
11:02- Blount gets stuffed up the middle on 3rd down. Big call here by Chipchip.
11:03- And Chipchip's gonna take a timeout to talk things over. Good move. 3:29 to go, 4 pt game.... Very exciting.
11:04- The creepy commercial where the female car talks to the guy after he goes to Jared for jewelry. Why the guy doesn't just tell the car to shut up is beyond me. Turn the key off even. Or hand it to a homeless guy as a gift. It's obviously not worth it if she's nagging you.
11:05- And the offense is on the field.... here we go 4th and 3.... Masoli runs right on a broken play, meets a defensive back head on.... and wins. That's the play you're going to see on the highlights of this game. Big play. Congrats J.
11:06- Blount gets tackled for a loss. The Beavers are sending everyone and their brothers into the backfield to prevent the runs.
11:07- Following an Erin Andrews story about Bron's Bro puking and feeling like he got kicked in the stomach by a mule (her words), he re-enters the game and Fowler says "Boot and rally." Is this an ESPN term they use on campus there? I've read books about their crazy parties. Maybe this is the phrase of choice instead of the standard and simple "Puke and rally." ESPN guys... they're so cool. They invent their own phrases.
11:09- 3rd and 16 and the Beavers get Bron's Bro deep in the backfield but he wiggles out and ends up gaining about 13 to get back into field goal range.
11:10- 4th and 2, 1:43 to play.... Oregon timeout. The debate in the booth is whether the Ducks go for it to ice it or take the FG and force the Beavs to score a TD in a minute and a half.... tough call. I kick it. I'm conservative like that. Force them to score a TD. Then you know you cannot lose in regulation.
11:11- They are going for it....and they get it on a fake halfback run, qb sprint left, wr option. And the Ducks should be punching their tickets for Pasadena.
11:13- Final timeout for State. If I'm the Ducks, I maybe kneel it out and then kick a field goal on 4th, by which time there will be no time left.... knowing them, they'll run plays, score a TD and ruin the -9.5 spread.
11:14- QB keeper to the middle of the field. Whew...... 2nd and 13, will be 40 seconds after the snap and that.... will..... do it.
11:15- All told, great game. Fun, fun game. It was everything I'd hoped it would be in the 2 weeks leading up to it. A Beaver win would have been amazing, but a game this good, and it's tough to complain. We'll see Oregon vs ohio state in the Rose Bowl and if I had to guess on the opening line?... Let's say.... it opens at Oregon -4.5.
11:17- Fans rush the field, and that'll do it. It's past my bedtime. Goodnight.
9:54- Another flag... false... fucking.... start. This is getting funny.
9:55- Michigan State women take the game over #4 North Carolina. Congrats Spartans. Big win. ACC takes the challenge 7-4, though. Get'em next year.
9:56- Sexy throw and catch on 3rd and long for the first down. The Beaver WRs are just beating the Ducks db's to every single ball and fighting all tie-ups away. I'm not a big believer in "this team wants it more," but, right now, this team wants it more. And they should. First Rose Bowl berth since 1964 on the line here.
9:58- Canfield throws it right at a Duck lineman, who drops it. Then the Beavs are rewarded with a late hit on the QB to get them down to the 27 yard line. A TD on this drive would be massive.
9:59- Quizz absolutely cannot get tackled. Remind me of myself, circa 8th grade. I've videos if anyone needs proof. Seriously, they're like 3 feet away from me. I keep them near me at all times incase anyone ever wants to watch them. Just ask.
10:00- The stroke of 10pm central. From here on out, we are officially past my bedtime.
10:01- Canfield passes over the middle to a guy who catches his first TD of the season. Big Beaver score (that's what she said)!!!! We are now at 30-21, State. Cover is looking like a lock and the over is in remarkable shape. I love college football.
10:02- Eat my ass, Chris Berman. You add nothing to nothing.
10:05- Monster tackle to take down the Ducks on their first play of the half. Second play goes for a first down. Gonna be more of the same in the 2nd half, I see. Fine by me. This is very exciting.
10:07- Lebron's brother puts together a couple of solid runs to get the Ducks down into Beaver territory. Beaver defensive back Tim Clark of Compton, CA gets injured on the play ... hey kid, you're from Compton. A torn ACL is a blessing compared to what fate you could have seen growing up.
10:09- To keep you occupied during this injury timeout..... go Badgers.
10:11- Ok, that's a gruesome injury. Almost on the level of this.
10:12- Hey Legarrette, welcome back.... carries for 3 yds. Crowd takes 10 seconds to realize it's his first carry since the fight. Hippies. Too high to understand what's going on.
10:13- On one play the Beavers may have gotten away with both a late hit on the QB and a ticky-tack pass interference. Both would have been questionable, but both could have been called.
10:14- Jeff Maehl with a remarkable catch while getting pummeled for a catch and a first down on a gutsy 4th down call. Big play.
10:15- "How do you cramp up in 30 degrees?" ~Craig James .... Very easily, Craig. Ever stood outdoors during a cold game for 3 hours? Lots of cramping. Imagine straining your muscles while playing it. Jagoff.
10:16- Blount bowls over a defender like a pot of weeds. (think about it)
10:17- Jesse Palmer refers to James/Blount as the "1-2 punch." Not the best choice of words, ya hoser.
10:18- Blount goes in on a sweep for a touchdown. Nice turnaround for Blount. Tip of the cap. 30-28 State.
10:19- I see the Jets beat the Bills 19-13.... so sad I missed that one. But thanks to the Bills organization for making the RB situation as clear as the 1999-2008 Broncos. Basic crapshoot on who's getting the points there from week to week. And yes, I'm bitter because I have both on one of my fantasy teams and have not started the correct one more than 50% of the time this season.
10:21- James Rodgers returns the kick all the way out to the 40 yard line. Bigger return than the announcers are showing since the Beavs only have about 30 yards to go to be in FG range again.
10:22- James Rodgers catch on first down for 9 yards. This offense is clicking..... Erin Andrews telling the story of a kids book Chip Kelly read to the team after the first loss. He would have read them The Count of Monte Cristo, but none of them could have paid attention. The 12-pager was more the college athlete's style.
10:23- James Rodgers was wide open and streaking down the field and Canfield juuuuuuuuuuuust missed him.
10:24- Offensive linemen holding hands weirds me out. Not in a homophobic way, but in a "Um, really, why?" way.... if such a way exists.
10:25- Quizz with a nice catch and run on 3rd down to gain the first. Canfield is such a stud right now. Doesn't throw that ball until it's absolutely necessary. Balls of steel right now. He has marbles. (would link to a clip from Major League 2's reference to "marbles" but cannot find one.... gotta move quick here)
10:26- And Canfield finally gets hit while throwing for seemingly the first time in the game.
10:27- Another 3rd down.... And another holy-mother-in-heaven-humping-a-lamb false start. This is ridiculous.
10:28- State finally misses on a 3rd down to bring on the field goal unit.
10:29- Kahut attempting to go 4-4, this would be his longest (45 yards).... monster kick. Well done, son. 33-28 Beavers.
10:30- "What a good football game." ~Craig James (said in a manner which he believes he is the first person to realize this)..... Thanks for that, Craig.
10:31- "Sub him out, give him a blow." ~Craig James.... hehehehehehehehehehehehhe
10:32- I love the QB sweep/WR option. Fun play.
10:33- Lebron's brother is having a game. Takes a sweep around the left and gets past the first wall at the line of scrimmage to find ... nobody else. And he's gone for 52 yards and his third TD.
10:34- Ducks go for 2 and fail on an option. Good open-field tackle by the Beavs. 1 minute and change left in the third and we're at 34-33, Ducks. And we've hit the OVER!!!! Free money, Vegas. You can't just hand us free money like that.
10:35- Beavers get the ball back and are sacked on first down. Ducks have gotten to Canfield on the last few plays. Gotta make some adjustments, Coach Reilly.
10:36- Third and 18 ... nothing going and Canfield runs for a couple yards before folding into the fetal position. At the end of the third we're sitting at 34-33, Ducks, and they'll be getting the ball to start the 4th.
10:39- Am I missing anything by never having seen either of the "Night At the Museum" movies? I lean towards no.
10:40- Don't fuck this up Ginger kid..... short kick. Go back to the cornfields, Hekker.
10:41- Gonna predict a field goal on this drive. 'Bron's Bro runs for 5 on a play that had no room from the start.
10:42- The Ducks are up to nearly 140 yards rushing this half. Well, that happened fast.... also happening fast, the Ducks getting into Beaver territory. Beavers give up an enormous hole (that's what she said... courtesy of the wife) for the Ducks to run through and gain big.
10:43- Jeff Maehl with a catch and move and run. Nice work. Tip of the cap. First and 10 now on the 11.
10:44- Masoli goes nowhere on first down.... Blount gets the carry on 2nd down and takes it down to the 7, bringing up 3rd down. My field goal call is looking good.
10:45- Masoli dodges about 50 guys and loses 4 yards. 4th down and we're looking at a field goal. I am so in tune with this game right now. A complete 6th sense.
10:46- 29 yard field goal gets stopped just as the ball is snapped due to a delay of game and he'll now be forced to nail it from 34 yards... daunting.
10:47- Just ekes through the left upright and Oregon pads the lead to 37-33.
10:48- Might as well pee again.
10:49- I washed my hands, don't worry. Wouldn't want to give myself SARS... er, wait. What's the in vogue illness right now? Oh, swine flu. Yeah, I'm fine.
10:50- Oregon's scored on all 3 drives in the 2nd half. That's got to stop if the Beavs are gonna pull this one off (that's what she said). Quizz takes the carry on first down and basically crawls for 15 yards. Great run.
10:51- 9 to play..... very exciting.
10:52- You can see the breath of the players. Kinda weird to see that during a Pac 10 game.
10:53- James Rodgers makes a GREAT diving catch and gets interfered with in the process for a mammoth gain. Wow. That's a huge play to put the Beavs down to the 22 yard line of Oregon.
10:54- State calls a too-conservative-for-my-tastes play on 2nd down. Simple screen to Quizz where he had 2 guys on him immediately.
10:55- And that's why I didn't like the last playcall... Sacked on 3rd and 8. And State's forced to go for it on 4th and 15.
10:56- Seriously Berman, go away. Die even. Keep eating at Applebees and you just might.
10:56- And this goes without saying, but still, this is a very large 4th down. The way the Ducks are moving this half, you have to assume at least a field goal out of them on their next drive, especially if they're getting the ball near their own 40. What to call here on 4th and 15?... Maybe some sort of pick play for James Rodgers? Although, he's made his money be streaking down the field tonight. I just don't know. But hopefully Reilly does.
10:57- Incomplete pass towards the sideline and Rodgers. Just out of his reach. And the Ducks get the ball back.
10:58- Palmer and Craig are arguing. This is fun.
10:59- Run straight into the line on first down for the Ducks.... Are they trying to just kill the clock here? Why slow down? Keep doing what's working? Chip Kelly is a gambler, I expect something big coming here still..... And Blount takes a carry up the gut for big, big yards. All the way into the Beavers' territory on a 30-yard gain.
11:00- Shot of Tim Clark on the sideline in a wheelchair.... Yeah, gruesome injury.
11:01- The snap nearly went about 30 yards into the backfield, followed by Masoli forcing a throw and almost throwing a pick. 2 major bullets dodged there.
11:02- Blount gets stuffed up the middle on 3rd down. Big call here by Chipchip.
11:03- And Chipchip's gonna take a timeout to talk things over. Good move. 3:29 to go, 4 pt game.... Very exciting.
11:04- The creepy commercial where the female car talks to the guy after he goes to Jared for jewelry. Why the guy doesn't just tell the car to shut up is beyond me. Turn the key off even. Or hand it to a homeless guy as a gift. It's obviously not worth it if she's nagging you.
11:05- And the offense is on the field.... here we go 4th and 3.... Masoli runs right on a broken play, meets a defensive back head on.... and wins. That's the play you're going to see on the highlights of this game. Big play. Congrats J.
11:06- Blount gets tackled for a loss. The Beavers are sending everyone and their brothers into the backfield to prevent the runs.
11:07- Following an Erin Andrews story about Bron's Bro puking and feeling like he got kicked in the stomach by a mule (her words), he re-enters the game and Fowler says "Boot and rally." Is this an ESPN term they use on campus there? I've read books about their crazy parties. Maybe this is the phrase of choice instead of the standard and simple "Puke and rally." ESPN guys... they're so cool. They invent their own phrases.
11:09- 3rd and 16 and the Beavers get Bron's Bro deep in the backfield but he wiggles out and ends up gaining about 13 to get back into field goal range.
11:10- 4th and 2, 1:43 to play.... Oregon timeout. The debate in the booth is whether the Ducks go for it to ice it or take the FG and force the Beavs to score a TD in a minute and a half.... tough call. I kick it. I'm conservative like that. Force them to score a TD. Then you know you cannot lose in regulation.
11:11- They are going for it....and they get it on a fake halfback run, qb sprint left, wr option. And the Ducks should be punching their tickets for Pasadena.
11:13- Final timeout for State. If I'm the Ducks, I maybe kneel it out and then kick a field goal on 4th, by which time there will be no time left.... knowing them, they'll run plays, score a TD and ruin the -9.5 spread.
11:14- QB keeper to the middle of the field. Whew...... 2nd and 13, will be 40 seconds after the snap and that.... will..... do it.
11:15- All told, great game. Fun, fun game. It was everything I'd hoped it would be in the 2 weeks leading up to it. A Beaver win would have been amazing, but a game this good, and it's tough to complain. We'll see Oregon vs ohio state in the Rose Bowl and if I had to guess on the opening line?... Let's say.... it opens at Oregon -4.5.
11:17- Fans rush the field, and that'll do it. It's past my bedtime. Goodnight.
